I am the hope

I am what I could be and what I had to be in any case.

Standing in the Football ground of Karachi University for years like a fully grown and mature, shady tree, I had given to everyone whatever I had and I am still to ready to give whatever I have.

But, now I am getting old and this year my leaves fell very early autumn in the start of October. People stopped sitting under me because I was not able to give them a soothing shade anymore. All of my neighboring trees still had leaves which fell very late when winters finally arrived.

I was not hopeless, I believed I will get the leaves back once winters go away and spring arrives but my expectations were not fulfilled. January passed and February started, all of the neighboring trees were getting leaves back, the spring was arrived but I was still alone with no leaves and no color at all.

I satisfied myself; it happens, soon I will get my leaves back and will be green like I am always; and waited.

March arrived; no leaves at all.

Standing in middle of the other trees, with bare hands, bare palms, bare fingers I was like a useless, lifeless, and purposeless thing in the world. The neighboring trees advised me, not to be worry for the leaves and to claim myself old, but I was not ready to admit.

I said; I am hopeful, I am alive and life means hope; If I would have become old then why would have I lived then? Why I can still feel the fragrance of the fresh breeze that strike to my body and wants to stay in the thicky branches full of leaves? Why I can still feel the perfume of the unseen roses that live in the soul of my green leaves.

Why I haven't become senseless and lifeless if I am old.

All trees laughed; Oh oldman, you are not in your senses, keep dreaming for the leaves and make your life miserable in the eternal, and endless wait.

April arrived; everyday when I used to open my eyes, my hope was drowning in the profound darkness of the hopelessness but I didn't let other trees feel that.

I prayed; Oh Almighty, if I am old and can't give shade and colors to others then send the death to me but never leave me in this hopelessness for the rest of my life. I don't want to live a worthless life, Oh my Creator, give me back my dress or cut the pulse of my life, I don't want to live an undressed, bare handed life.

April passed; and I was about to lose my hope.

Then in the middle of the April, when one day I woke up in the morning; I looked a leaflet was born on my shoot branch. It was so tiny, yellow in color but it gave me my hope back and I believed I am still worthy to live what is called life.

Now its May; and I am loaded with thick bunches of leaves, tiny flower buds. I am not bare handed now, I have got back the jewelery of mine.

People come and stay, they love my shade. I give them peace when they walk from the silver jubilee gate towards Azadi chowk and burning sunlight burns them, they sit under my shade, rest for few minutes and then move forward towards their destinies, I am nothing for them as they perhaps wouldn't feel my importance but I don't care.

I am happy that at least I am not useless and purposeless.

All trees are surprised, they didn't believe my leaves appeared in the end of the April and they are now fully grown in May; they need to be surprised because they don't know the power of hope and belief.

Nobody knows; I am the hope of life.

Note: The picture was taken in March. Now in May the same tree has countless leaves on it.

Chemistry of a Relationship

A relationship is just like a chemical compound which is being formed between two different elements or persons in such a way that its result would ultimately be unique.

The simplest and most amazing example is of that water. Water is just a molecule that contains only two elements; hydrogen and oxygen in the ratio of 2:1 respectively. The most simplest chemical compound on earth but at the same way the most complex one because Scientists have spent hundred of years just to understand its chemistry, likewise a relationship is simpler at the surface level but as one goes deep down, he finds that a relationship would never be simpler in any way.

Despite of its simpler formula and structure, water has an amazing ability that Nature has kept in it; it can resist to heat up to a great extent and boils on 100°C and freezes between 0 to 4°C, that's why our body has water in it and that resist to the change of weather. A relationship if it is formed on the same rules water has followed, would be able to resist to a great extent the external pressure, miseries and pains and will able to keep itself firm and steady.

In water, there is a covalent bonding between hydrogen and oxygen that bonds them and that bonding is basically the mutual sharing of electrons, but as oxygen is the strong electronegative element and it pulls the shared pair of electron more towards itself, as a result there has been created the partial positive charge on hydrogen and partial negative on oxygen. A relationship is always formed when there is a mutual sharing of gives and gains, happiness and sorrows, trust and respect, and off course freedom and space; but then sometimes out of those two persons, one can be more strong to get his rights as compare to the other in that relationship and that creates a partial positive at one end and partial negative charge at the other end.

And there comes the true reason of the bonding; the survival of hydrogen in the chemical bond. Hydrogen creates a virtual bonding to the neighboring oxygen in order to hold its position in the compound; thus each oxygen holds a virtual bond with the two neighboring oxygens and the bonding is called hydrogen bonding. This bond is apparently weaker than the other covalent bonding but it has such the power that water can resist to the surrounding environment to keep its form and shape to a great extent.

When the person with partial positive charge will have to survive, he/she would ultimately have to do something urgent and that's the only way to keep the relationship alive and in its original form and structure. One has to create a hydrogen bonding and that bonding is none other than Love, the weaker one apparently but it makes the relationship so resistive that it can survive in every storm of the life, every grief, every pain whether the surrounding environment would be too much high, cold or hot; Love has the ability to tie up all beads of a relationship in one thread, because Love is the only feeling that is unconditional, unreasonable and unforgettable. It does not allow, even to the one with partial negative charge to break the bond and deform the molecule.

So, if I want to have a good relationship with You, I first have to have a covalent bonding with the mutual sharing of respect, happiness, griefs, trust, and freedom, and then I have to make a hydrogen bond of the unconditional Love with You, because without this hydrogen bonding this relationship would be so fragile that would break with a single jerk. And with the hydrogen bonding of Love this relationship would be unbreakable for sure.

I don't know.......

Perfection is something that used to be considered as unachievable for a human being, but does it mean that humans should not seek perfection?

I don't know.......

God is perfect and everything that He has created is without any defect, the complete and beautiful in its own unique way. The Love, Goodness and Beauty that God possesses is undoubtedly can not be achieved by any other one in this Universe but then why Humans are blessed with these qualities if they can not achieve them in a perfect way?

I don't know.......

If I expect kindness, love, respect and goodness from You, then perhaps the first thing that needs to be considered is that I should give You the love, kindness, respect and goodness in the same way and to the same extent I expect these to get from You. And if I do so then does that mean that I am seeking and trying to achieve the perfection in the love, kindness and goodness?

I don't know.......

I am a human and God commanded angels to bow down in front of Me, what if I satisfy myself every time after doing an evil, inhuman and mischievous act, "I am a Human and I can't be perfect" and continue doing this as I can't do justice in the goodness like God. Does that mean that I am doing a righteous thing every time?

I don't know.......

I have a perception, an illusion about love, kindness and goodness and its not necessary that this perception would be parallel to the concept of Love, Kindness and Goodness for the Universe. But I don't want to wipe out this illusion and want to keep my own perception about goodness alive. Do I deserve to be called as a human being anymore?

I don't know.......

You need a punishment

People say, you should be calm when you are upset but its not always easy, especially when one is sensitive, emotional and self possessive about him. And, so there are moments when someone reacts, and sometimes reacts in a very odd way that nobody can understand what the actual problem with the person is. Even if someone is a very good analyst, he wouldn't be able to know the reason.

Sometimes, expectations and complains make us all miserable to an extent that we offend and hurt people unnecessarily, even to the caring and loving ones who are always nice with us.

But, this is a fact that hurting someone whom you love and respect hurts your own self. You are angry with yourself that you wish to punish yourself.

At that times, if one gets a punishment luckily, he will be blessed to feel the pain that he had given to someone else and won't do it next time.

Apologies are always left behind in all these cases and what you remember is that punishment for not to repeat the cruel act with such a great person again.

So, today I got such a punishment I will remember forever.

The Science of Love

The seed of Love, whenever is sown into the earth of heart, the earth should be well nourished with nutrients of passion and water of desire so that this seed would be able to get the complete set of requirement for its germination.

And then the seed of Love germinates and grows into two different directions; a radicle or seed root that grows deep into the earth of heart so that it can embed its roots firmly to hold the ground and the plumule or shoot that grows above the ground to catch the sunlight and air so that it can get the illumination and oxygen of life.

And then the seed of the Love grows, grows and transforms itself into a Tree of the Love by getting nourishment from its heart full of desires, passions, determination and taking air of freedom and sunlight of obedience, grows into roots of the self, shoots of the belief, branches of the ambitions, leaves of the relationships, flowers of the happiness and finally fruits of the Love.

And then the process begins, of the Nature. The tree has to complete the cycle; the purpose of its formation; the process of Photosynthesis of the Love begins. The green pigment of subjugation called as chlorophyll, captures the sunlight of obedience and Carbondioxide of the hatred from the air, gets the water of desire from the ground of heart, converts both of them into the Glucose of the Life, provides that food to the outer world in the form of the flowers of the happiness and the fruits of the Love and care, and so the cycle continues.

The tree doesn’t breath throughout the day when the sunlight of obedience makes it to just continue the Photosynthesis of the Love, whereas at night it is free to inhale the fresh oxygen of the freedom and Love from the air around it and to exhale the Carbondioxide of the hatred outside, so this will keep the tree alive and fresh for the next whole sunny day to continue the process of Photosynthesis.

Nature chooses its ways to continue the Universe, and the Science of Love is one of the ways to keep the world beautiful, peaceful, prosperous and full of happiness. So, if you are standing firmly with your ground of heart, exposing yourself to the illumination and the air, continuing the cycle of Photosynthesis of the Love during the sunny day by inhaling the hatred, absorbing the obedience and exhaling the Love and happiness, don’t be worry, Nature will allow you to inhale the oxygen of the freedom and happiness at night when the rest of the world will be unconscious and you will see, how much Nature Loves you because you are important, You are the Tree of the Love.

Keep your child away from me

"Urooj! You are gonna spoil my child." My elder sister remarked when I was teaching her only son that how to make others restless when they are at rest and we don't want to see them at rest.

"Yes, off course. I am spoiling your child because I am already spoiled and just can teach children how to be spoiled ones." I replied satisfactorily while throwing the ball towards two years old Abdullah.

"But, I don't want him to be like you." She was irritated.

"Then keep him away from me and protect him to be spoiled if you can. As much as he would be near me, would become just like me." I smiled and had a deep sense of satisfaction.

"Ok, fine. Abdullah! come here and don't go again towards your Khala." She took him in the other room.

My elder sister lives at the other corner of the city and so whenever visits us, spends almost a whole week; always tries to prevent his exposure to me but remains most of the time unsuccessful as I always have things for him that attract him and he comes to me immediately.

So, when she took a decision to keep him away from me as usual, she forgot everything in the evening because she had much more to discuss about her shopping, clothes and designs that she was going to have on these clothes.

As she was discussing all this to my mother and other sisters, I called Abdullah.

"Hey, Abdullah! come here and lets have a bhangra dance. I know you are feeling bad and bored as you are like me, are not much interested in Your mother's shopping. Come here, hurry up. Let's have something very exciting." He came towards me.

I took my cell phone, played the song "Jugni Jee(Coke Studio)" and as the music was played, immediately he got attracted and smiled in a lovely way like he is feeling the rhythm.

So, I taught him how to have bhangra on Jugni Jee, and his mother in the same room was unconcerned and totally grasped with her creative ideas of designing clothes.

He and me kept dancing Bhangra and so in almost same situations for next few days, I kept teaching him how to do a Bhangra dance and he kept learning. And whenever he came towards after that, just called in his beautiful tone and voice:

"Ooshh (Short version of Urooj), song....." also describing his wish with hands in the air, to explain me that I should play the song "Dum Gutkoon, Dum Gutkoon" so he can dance.

Hmmmm, and so I spoiled him in just a week, just imagine if he would have lived with me all the time, how much he would be spoiled? His mother would have killed me till this moment.

He went back to his home but didn't forget the lesson I had given to him.

Now, he knows and remembers me with "Dum Gutkoon" and before that he never remembered me very much.

Yesterday night, he was ill and had a great fever that everybody was worried for him, he was admitted in the hospital and today in the morning when my mother went to visit him in the hospital, as I had to go to the University and I couldn't go along with my mother.

He was lying on the bed; having a drip attached with his hand and still he was saying:

"Baba....Cartoon (Baba, I want to watch Cartoon), Mama......tiger, Kaka.....cell (Mama, ask Kaka to bring battery cell for my tiger) and then when her Phuppo asked him, "Abdullah, who says 'Dum Gutkoon'?" he immediately replied:

"Oooj, Khala Jani" and raised his hand attached with the drip. On this his mother scolded him, "Abdullah, why are you so restless that you are increasing your pain?" and then cursed me, "Urooj, you have spoiled my child."

I heard the story from my mother and kept laughing for a while.

"This is not my fault. I had alarmed her that he will be spoiled if he would be with me." I replied simply.

So, keep children away from me otherwise they will be spoiled.

No Sunday, this year......

1. A researcher has no Sunday when he has lots of work to do.
2. The job of a researcher can never be routine job with routine hours like 9 to 5 pm.
3. When you do research, you should be ready to dedicate your time with full devotion whenever needed.
4. Until and unless, you are well prepared to do research, you should not start research and once you initiate, you should be ready to utilize your full energies for it.
   

Yes, these are not my sayings, instead these are the sayings of my supervisor which she keep telling us whenever she feels that we are taking research as not a serious matter.

And, I am one of the most non-serious ones among the all, whether in studies, research, writing or reading, ah even in the case of household works, nobody would be more miserable than me. Sometimes people say I am lazy, sometimes that I am not fit for anything to do, sometimes they comment I am the most unpredictable person they have ever seen; and yes, I am hundred percent agreed with all of them.

I don’t want to be called as a perfect person because I am not; I am unpredictable because I love my freedom; I am lazy because I don’t want to make things feel to me like a burden, I take my time for each and everything; and yes I am inconsistent because I think that life is beautiful and sometimes stagnancy decreases its beauty.

So, I have always my own reasons for everything and people also say that they always fail to convince me to change my reasons, and I always win over them; my fate.

But this time the situation was different. The lazy, inconsistent and unpredictable Urooj was ahead of all. It’s just the matter of time, matter of state; I don’t claim that I am strong, hard working and intelligent but I have done it well.

Well, I was trying to occupy December and to prevent the month to occupy my nerves, so, decided to preoccupy my nerves with loads of work. Fortunately, the month came with the loads of work; there was a workshop that was being held by our Center and the list of pre requisites was very long. Everyone tried hard for the successful arrangements of the workshop, but I had to do some extra because I had some urgent and important lab assignments along with the workshop.

So, I cheerfully accepted every load and occupied December finally. Thanks to God that the workshop was held successfully even after the Bomb Blast in the KU last Tuesday, we continued the workshop as per schedule, and yes during these days I was fully engaged with the other facilitators and demonstrators as I had also to conduct few sessions of the workshop and to anchor the concluding ceremony due to which my lab work stopped which should have not in the normal situation.

And then, when workshop ended at last but then this Friday strike made me intolerable as I have to submit the results of my experiment on Wednesday in any condition. Yesterday, the things were moving in a slow pace as in Scientific Research nothing remains in our hand sometimes and everything is situation dependent. So, at last I had to decide what to do…….? Time is moving away and the work is still incomplete.

Finally, me and my senior colleague discussed the scenario yesterday afternoon and took a brave decision; to continue our work today that means on Sunday.

I must tell you that people also say that I take decisions very quickly without thinking about the results, but I guess that is the most sensible thing in me that I don’t waste my time by thinking very much. I just do what I feel is right according to the situation and thanks to God that most of the time my decisions are proved to be right.

So, me and my colleague went today and did our work without any lab assistants; I myself unlocked the labs that we had to use, tissue culture, cold room, resource lab bla bla…. The University was like a desolate place, empty and uninhabited.

We worked four hours continuously, and then we had to leave the experiment overnight at one stage, we stopped at that point and now we will continue tomorrow morning.

I left home at 9 a.m. in the morning and came back at 3 p.m., can never imagine to ruin my Sunday like this in normal condition; to wake up early on a Sunday, the only holiday after a fully tiring week, could never be possible before today but things change and today was a day of change.

I woke up early in a winter Sunday, oh it was too difficult for me but I did it, and when I returned home in the late afternoon, I was so tired but satisfied.

Now, I am just thinking that the first Sunday of this new year was no Sunday for me; would it mean that I will be having no Sunday this year…..hmmm what to say?

This year is going to have loads of hard work for me, I feel; but I am glad perhaps in this way, I would be able to achieve some of my goals I have set for my life. I am glad even if it is like that, because the only thing that pleases me, is the Accomplishment no matter what energy I would have to utilize for it.

So, No Sunday….No Holiday; the gift from the New year for me.