Thursday, March 11, 2010

Obedience or Slavery..........?

Few weeks ago my elder sister went on shopping and when she returned, along with other necessaries, she had a beautiful shawl with green and fawn shades and sensational touch of Pashmina fabric . I just become flattered to see that shawl, it was looking beautiful when my sister put it on. Usually i never take interest in fabrics so much but after seeing such a nice color combination, i didn't forget that one. Indeed, My sister Loved that too and was pleased that her loving Husband will like it.
When she visited us next time, she brought a surprise for me. As i was engaged in telling her about my daily routine work of those days, she suddenly pulled her bag, opened that and put out a packet. I was astonished that what it could be, after taking it in my hand, unpacked and amazed to see the same piece of fabric .
"What??" i just could ask.
"Well, this is for you." she answered me with faint smile and yellow face.
I could not understand for a moment what she was saying, then i tried to solve things.
"What do you mean? You purchased it for yourself, not for me." I started arguing which is my all time habit.
"Well, Yes, but now it is your's." she tried to satisfy me in her low voice.
"Why? just tell me the reason otherwise i am not going to accept it. I know yourself, more than you. The thing that you chooses for yourself, never can give to other even as a gift."
She remained quiet for a little time and then said,"My husband doesn't like this color."
I was not expecting that stupid(according to me) answer."So?"
"What so? Why do you always ask so many questions?"
"Yes i do, because i wanna know that why you all have made your life so difficult?"
"I am trying to make my life easy, not difficult", she explained. "I can not wear it because he and my In-laws did not like this shawl, therefore it's of no use for me. It can be useful for you and i think you liked it."
"Yes i liked it, but never wanted to get it like this." i felt a feeling of anger inside me. "Doesn't this matter for him that which color do you want to wear, which thing you want to eat, what do you like, what do you think, what do you feel? Does anyone of these matter for him?"
"Yes, it matters but......." she could not justify her answer.
"If it matters, then why i am looking a feeling of pain on your face while you are giving it to me?" I could not resist myself to speak, "Why he is trying to impose his thinking on you, you have your own senses. At least you should be able to decide what you should wear and eat. I am fed up with these so called standards of your In-laws."
"You can not understand because you are still not married. Being a wife in this society i have to be obedient. I have to respect his choice to make him happy. My paradise is in his happiness."
My anger reached top of the world, "If marriage takes your freedom away then i am not going to marry at all. And sorry to say, this is not obedience. For me, it's nothing more than slavery. To respect your beloved's choice is different from the respect that one gives being pressurized to respect. I am a human being first then a woman, no one could ever claim any right to take benefit of it. Finally if paradise is being made so cheap in this society, then i will prefer freedom on paradise. I will follow the theory of Mansur Hallaj not of Plato."
I know i was so harsh for a moment, then i realized and got over it, tried to make her happy in any way i could, but this is true i am still in a great feeling of grief inside out.
Woman is responsible to build the future of Nations. I wonder what could a woman give to her child if she is supposed to live like a motionless, thoughtless, senseless thing.
I ask a question,"Can a woman give birth to a free person, if she is spending her life like a slave? Education, Health and other matters are far, if she just not supposed to wear a color of her own choice."
That shawl has been kept in my cupboard for two to three weeks. I haven't decide yet to use it because i never like the beauty if it comes to me in this way.......


  1. Superb expression of male vanity and female obedience that is so disconcerting , these values have to change and the change will come about by realization and more and more awareness. This post certainly your contribution towards that goal.

  2. Thank you Sir, your appreciation is an honour for me......

  3. Beautifully written and depicts the male chauvinism of our society.

    I have seen many times the choice of the husband becomes the choice of the wive and it is unconditional.If there is strong love between both then such things are common, but such reactions aren't only from the side of wife but the husband follows same.
    He could have praised the shawl to make her wife happy, but because males of our society enjoys full freedom and power so unconsciously they kill others joy and happiness.
    Its a nice piece of writing from you and i hope all the male readers would keep a check on themselves after reading it!

  4. hmm...not everything is in negative nature dear....

    Nice post Urooj...

    For given away our desires and make ourselve limited as to pleased someone is not bad until it is imposed...on one and by other...

    Life is full of misdeeds and sometimes mislead too...

    I wish you and your sister freedom of self and liberty which is the right of every human being.

    But it is not only the male who dominated their families...sometimes...the other people and sometimes even sisters too...

    May Allah give us the strength to be liberal and let liberal.


  5. Thinking you have exactly explained this view as i was expecting..........
    Here i just tried to show that attitude which i observed so often that i wondered that why we claim ourselves so pure, while we are not justified in our thoughts even.........
    "Momin is one who likes for his brother the same he likes for him."
    We like freedom of expression and choice for ourselves but not for others, what does this show?
    Negating other's self for the satisfaction of your own ego should be considered as a crime. Individual ego without connection of collective ego is like killing yourself.......I think so....

  6. are absolutely right here....

    We can collect our ego and give it a collective/one form only if we work on tolerance and giving other person the space he/she needs for the satisfaction of self.

    Sometimes we tried to persuade people in a way that we kind a impose our advise on them and leave them without any option....a)do it; b) or not talk to me rest of life...what would anyone do...obviously...would take option A.

    That necessary spave which ever human need to breath and to exhale is so crucial that without that space one can die of suffocation.

    hmm....nice talking to you...Urooj...

  7. Although I don't have the proper time needed to comment responsibly, I want to say in a quick look I am ever so grateful for each one of you here and for your most mindful and deep expressions to one another.

    Thanx for including me...and plz continue..

    I'll be back! I hope this discussion goes on for some time....

  8. The comment about space needed to breath and exhale...